Ten More Commandments
Bonus content today! Hear Llanion rant in living stereo about The Ten Commandments for Raiders!
The 10 Melee DPS Commandments can be found here.
This is my take on some more generalized commandments.
Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.
Transcript follows:
I:
Thou shalt not stand in the fire, nor the void zone, nor the shadow fissure, nor in front of a cleaving mob, nor shalt thou fight in the slime or, yea, in the locust swarm, unto the seventh wipe.II:
If thou dost bite it, thou shalt rise not from your seat, but shall make out with the floor and await being reborn, grace be unto the druids among ye, or shall wait to be twisted into an unholy being of pure death, as hath spoken Queklain.III: If thy raid leader calleth out to thee in a loud voice, saying: Thou wilt be BATTLE REZZED, or, thou shouldst be ghouled, ping thy corpse on the minimap, lest the healers be frustrated with “target out of range” errors until they feed thee to Kel’thuzad and rifle through thy pockets for spare change.
IV: Watch thou thy Omen and thy tanks. Thou shalt throttle back the damage per sixtieth of a minute, lest thy raid be wiped an it be thy fault alone.
V: Watch thine own rear. It is thine own fault if thou dieth to anything thou coulds’t have prevented. Suck it up, princess.
VI: Watch thine buddy’s rear. A quick warning in time of need provideth a great multitude of loots. Also, get thy mind out of the gutter.
VII: If thou have an ability that could be useful to thy raid at thine own detriment, use it when needed. That meaneth the holy priest who goes through mana like a small child on pixie sticks doth get thy innervate, and thy mana totem, even if thou couldst use them thyself.
VIII: Use all thine abilities to their utmost. Thus it is that if the holy priest dies, thou shalt cease thy pew-pew lazors and heal thine tanks. I do not care that thou wilt then turn in a poor showing on Recount. Suck it up, princess.
IX: Bring thou both wine and bread, that thou mayest have both a flask buff and a food buff. If some member of your company bringeth forth a feast to feed thy four-and-twenty companions, praise him with great praises. To cover him with gold is also acceptable.
X: Whine thou not about repair bills. If thou wouldst stop dying to lava walls, thy repairs wouldst cost less dearly. Suck it up, princess.
Haha. I am so sharing this with my guild. Thanks for the amusement, and I like your take on it better.
Well done my friend!
/signed
Win.
“Suck it up, princess.”
That’s something Maj would have said. I love it.
I laughed ’till I cried. Pure win.
Hiarious!
Totally going on the guild forums.
Genius, Bravo *applauds*
I should definitely post this in Nocuous forums. I’m a Holy Priest that goes through mana like a small child on pixie sticks, yet the Druids are always like… “No… I need my Innervate…” Very, very funny.
Halcyon:
Sorry, but in 3.1 that one may have to get changed. If the reports I’m hearing are accurate, unless something changes the answer to “Can I have an innervate?” is going to be a very calm “Yup. All you have to do is roll a druid.”
I am so sharing this with my guild. Thanks for the amusement, and I like your take on it better
Thanks for the amusement
I would like to see more blog entries like this one